So, you're getting married; congratulations.

Many women talk about how they've imagined this day since they were young, and initially those plans are often all we think about. But when it comes down to the actual planning of the event, many of us get very easily overwhelmed.

There are countless bridal magazines and internet sites with detailed checklists, so I'm not going to re-hash the advice of the so-called "experts." My hope in penning this little article is to provide the types of hints that one probably isn't going to find in more mainstream locations.

1. Make a budget. And stick to it.

The wedding industry is just that - an industry. They are great fans of telling the starry-eyed bride the most current "average wedding" figures (now in upwards of $40-50,000), and doing their damdest to convince her that "Her Day" will be nothing short of awful if her parents don't mortgage their house to meet that figure.

Now, if mommy and daddy happen to own a chain of luxery hotels of you have a great uncle who happens to be the sultan of Dubai, you might be well on your way. But for those of us who actually have to work for a living, a budget of that size is nothing short of impossible.

There are still plenty of people who are prefectly willing to mortgage house and home in order to achieve the "perfect wedding," but why? A wedding is one day out of your life. Sure, you'll be looking at the pictures forever, but in twenty years it will mostly be to laugh at what you and your guests once thought was fashionable.

I once heard of a girl whose father offered her either a house or her dream wedding. Guess what she picked? Yup, the dream wedding.

It seems silly, doesn't it? $40,000 is a down payment on a house! Statistics say that the less amount of money spent on the wedding, the longer the marriage will last. Statistics also say that the number one thing couples fight about - and the number one reason for divorce - is money! So starting off your marriage in debt for your wedding? Not exactly the best beginning.

It is possible to have a great wedding on a budget, you just have to be creative. The major expenses for my wedding topped out at around $1-2,000, not counting a lot of incidentals. Several of my friends had similar budgets, and their weddings were great! A co-worker spent no more than $5,000 - including her dress and the reception! I saw the pictures - it looked amazing! Trust me, it's possible!

One strategy is to pick on "splurge item." If your true passion is photography and you plan to make and/or display your wedding album for years to come, budget for a professional. If you absolutely have to have the Klinefeld's dress, plan on scrimping on everything else. If you want real flowers, go for it - but don't expect a designer dress!

If you can't pick just one thing to splurge on, then flex your creative muscles! Florists charge an arm and a leg for professional arrangements - silk flowers look jsut as good, and are way, way cheaper! You could practice with the arrangements yourself and not worry about anything dying! Or, if you really want the real thing, try looking for discount supply shops - they're the places that sell to florists.

Does anyone in your family sew? See if they'd be willing to make your dress. Give your bridesmaids a color swatch and a general style idea, then tell them to find their own dress - trust me, they'll love you for not making them set foot in David's Bridal!

Receptions are highly expensive - try looking for cheaper alternatives. A lot of people do potlucks. Find a less-expensive restaruant to cater, or take advantage of any friends you may have in the food industry. A co-worker made our wedding cake, which she didn't charge for as she's trying to build up her portfolio! A friend of mine got her cake as a wedding present from one of her guests!

If you're really busting at the budget seams, there are websites that allow your guests to register for parts of your wedding and/or honeymoon. Sure, it may not be as nice as a new toaster, but for those couples with very large families, it's definitely the way to go.

(FYI - There's an excellent budgeting tool on The Knot (It's free to use - just requires that you create an account) that many people have found useful. Personally, it helped a lot to keep me in check, as I have absolutely no head for numbers.)

2. DIY is Your Friend...Usually

The internet is really a wonderful thing. It's amazing how many arts and crafts projects one can find with just a little bit of Googling. At least the wedding industry is good for something - every arts and crafts site has some sort of wedding-related project, which can be equally a blessing and a curse.

For anyone trying to save money DIY can be a lifesaver. Even the rather un-artistic can make their own invitations, programs, favors, flower arrangements, and table cards with just a trip to the local Wal-Mart, Michaels, or Hobby Lobby. Ready-to-print invitations are easy to use, quick to make, and way less expensive than hiring a professional printer!

Even for those who want professional-looking decorations, help is still available. The Photoshop-savvy bride can create her own quite easily (although it's always helpful to have friends on hand to run the prototypes by.) Image files can be sent to sites like Vista Print (which often has sales going!) for professionally-printed invitations. (I used this site for my invitations. It was a bit pricey and there is a minimum order, but was quick and easy!)

Programs, table cards, and menus also fall into the same category - whether one is using the ready-to-print variety or being creative with the computer - it's still possible to carry over themes and designs to make everything match seamlessly (I used the same font on both my programs and invitations, for example.) You'd be surprised at how much fun this type of thing can be!

For those of you who would likely end up throwing your computer out the window instead of enjoying the creative process, however, see if you can find a friend or acquaintence who'd be willing to help you out (offer bribes of chocolate, if necessary, but don't be afraid to pay him or her for their time. It'll still cost you less than a professional!) If your immediate circle is sadly lacking in the creative gene, try the internet. Artists are starting to branch out on the web to make their services available. One great site is Etsy which has all manner of artists - many of whom specialize in wedding-related projects. You might get lucky and find someone local, or someone who is still making a name for themselves and is charging a lower price. If all else fails, the bartering system can be effective. Offer to do the artist's taxes (we generally suck at math), or knit them a nice afghan...you'd be surprised at what people are willing to trade for!

Another site to check out is IndieBride. (Just click on the "Kvetch" link for the boards.) There are many threads about DIY projects, swapping services, and lots and lots of great ideas. The IndieBrides who frequent the site are (usually) good for unique ideas and helpful advice.

All this being said, hoever, we've all heard the horror stories of the bride who was up until 5 am the day before her wedding, frantically glueing sequins onto programs. Wedding planning is generally stressful enough, so this image is usually enough to scare the idea of DIY out of even the most fearless of brides.

Which brings me to my next suggestion:

3. Don't Be Afraid to Delegate

Let's face it, girls, us women can be a bit territorial. Especially when it comes to our weddings. It's very, very tempting to want to do everything ourselves, but micromanaging something that complicated is only going to result in bad things - like microcardial infarctions*, perhaps.

The fact that weddings are family affairs (and that everyone wants to be involved) generally causes multiple headaches for a bride. But why not turn it around? Take full advantage of the fact that your cousins are gluttons for free food, and invite them over for an invitation-making party (pizza and beer to be served <i>after</i> the invitations have been assembled!) This type of thinking works especially well with any out-of-town family members, who often express regret at not being able to help out. If they offer to do anything, take them up on it! If your future mother-in-law happens to be a great bargain-hunter, send her out looking for favors! Not only will she feel a part of things, but it will help build up communication between you and a person who will be a part of your life for the forseeable future!

I got lucky in that both my mother and mother-in-law are quite crafty. And as both of them lived quite far away, they very much wanted to be a part of the planning process. In the end, my mother and little sisteer made our favors (M&Ms in the wedding colors tied in little tulle circles) and organized the coordination of my sisters' dresses and accessories, as they were both my bridesmaids. My mother-in-law also made our guestbook (I wanted something more unique than just a book, but was at my whit's end with no ideas. My mother-in-law, the master seamstress, ended up sewing together a Canadian and American flag with a piece of white cloth in the middle for all our guests to sign!)

In addition, don't be afraid to ask any venodrs you may have hired for extra help! Often, that's what they're there for! I had my wedding and reception at a hotel, and the wedding coordinators there did all the decorating in the reception area. I had thought that I would have to buy candles, mirrors, rose petals, etc, but the hotel actually had all manner of decorations on hand, and we able to put together a great setup for us!

Of course, with delegation there's always the risk that something will go horribly wrong (i.e. don't send the colorblind aunt out to look for matching bridesmaids dresses!) But that's kind of the way things work with weddings. Murphy's Law still applies. Better to have a few mismatched flowers than the bride to be in the hospital due to a stress-induced panic attack.

4. Traditions are Made to Be Broken.

When many of our mothers and grandmothers got married, weddings looked pretty much alike. It was held in a church, the bride wore white, and she was walked down the aisle by her father to "Here Comes the Bride."

These days, however, things are different. While many brides still want a traditional service (which there is nothing wrong with, by the way!) others are starting to think outside the box.

One bride I knew wore a magenta-colored dress at her wedding, and her groom wore black leather pants, then changed into a kilt for the reception. He even walked down the aisle with an albino python around his neck! If you knew these two, you'd agree that anything even remotely traditional for these two would've looked awful.

Of course, any deviation from the norm is often met by resistance by family members; especailly those of the older generation. Once again, weddings are family affairs, and many people have built-up expectations of what they're supposed to be like. There are some families where a red wedding dress just would not fly, and often times a couple is left having to make difficult and frustrating decisions.

Remember this - if your family really loves you, they ought to respect your wishes. It is your wedding, after all, not theirs.

Bearing this in mind, however...

5. Avoid the "My Day" Trap.

Everyone hates a Bridezilla.

There are way too many women who become totally and completely obsessed with "their vision," that they lose sight of the bigger picture. This isn't just "your day," it's a very important moment in the life of you and your husband-to-be, as well as your family and friends.

You have every right to put your foot down to unreasonable requests, such as the person who keeps trying to over-inflate your guest list, thereby costing you more money. But if your future father-in-law is deathly allergic to dogs, it might not be the best idea to have your friendly pooch act as ring bearer. Don't get too caught up in the Modern Bride obsession - i.e. their "timelines" and "advice" - that you lose out on the bigger picture. A four-course lobster dinner will not make or break your wedding, let alone your marriage!

There's something about a wedding that makes many people think that they have the right to interject and open their mouths. Be prepared for lots of rude comments, family drama, and perhaps even a few shattered friendships. (You'd think that adults could act more, well, adult, but sadly this isn't always the case.)

Your wedding is important, but it isn't the greatest day of your life. If you really think that, perhaps you ought to re-evaluate marriage - after all, doesn't that mean that it's all downhill from there? Having the "perfect wedding" is not worth broken family relationships, loss of friends, and lasting drama.

The wedding does not make the marriage, but sometimes it can sure ruin it.

6. "Small" Does Not Equal "Bad"

The wedding industry would have you believe that good wedding = huge guest list. But for many of us, that's just not possible. Some are trying to keep expenses down, while others have very far-flung family and friends, or maybe others just panic at the idea of being in large groups of people.

Whatever the case, a small wedding can be just as good as a large one.

For one thing, it generally does keep a budget smaller. The reception is almost always the most expensive part of a wedding, and the less people to feed, the better. There are also less invitations to send out, less favors to make, and less space needed. A smaller wedding can also be more intimate - a bride and groom will actually have time to talk at length with guests rather than just a quick hug and a few words. It also gives them a chance to eat the food they paid for (something that many brides and grooms complain about not being able to do!)

My wedding had only about 20-30 guests, tops. Not only were we trying to keep our budget small, but many of our family and friends would have had to come from out of town, and we hated to make them put out that kind of expense. Having less people made the whole thing less stressful (though I still had a few moments of freaking out!) And I was able to do more posonal things for each guest, like put together out-of-town bags for the visitors, without too much added expense. I did find myself wishing that more people could've been there, but a big blowout certianly wouldn't have been worth all the stress.

Besides, with family from all paarts of the country, one has an excuse to plan trips to see them, and perhaps get thrown a party at that! (My parents are planning an open house for the family and friends in that area when we come to visit for Christmas!) Double-plus points for getting one fancy enough to wear your wedding dress again!

7. Don't Panic - Have Fun!!

I know, easier said than done.

The engagement period can be one of the most exciting and stressful times in a girl's life. But it is still possbile to enjoy it! After all - you (hopefully) won't have another one!

Most guys have little interest in wedding planning, which means that the process generally falls to the girl. But it doesn't have to be that way. When I first mentioned to my fiancee that I wanted him to be involved in the planning process, he said, "That's the girl's job - it's your day." But after I consulted him about several different ideas, I was amazed to find that he actually began to take an interest! If your guy is totally against the idea, don't push it. But if you give him a chance to make some decisions, he might surprise you. I had initally said that I didn't want a professional wedding dress - just something inexpensive compiled from Goodwill and Velvet Garden finds - but my fiancee insisted I go dress shopping and find a "real" dress. He was right, of course, because almost everyone has commented on how much they loved the dress I got!

Delegating tasks (as mentioned above) helped me a lot, but even when I didn't delegate, it helped to just talk about things and hash out ideas with friends and family members. Even blogging my ideas was good to get them out of my head and organized onto paper.

And speaking of organization...The wedding industry is full of psychics. I swear! As soon as they pick up on your "engagement vibes," (I'm betting it has something to do with those diamond rings we girls like to flaunt!) they will start sending you stuff. Lots and lots and lots of stuff - also known as "bridal porn." Some of it is trash, but some of it is actually useful. I hate tote bags, but the ones I got from a gift registry and a bridal show were very helpful in storing said bridal porn. And once you start visitng potential vendors, it gets even worse. They will give you loads and loads of material. I know we like to make fun of the "bridal binder," but for the bride with the ginormous wedding to plan, it can be invaluable.

Bring a digital camera, if you have one, and take pictures of all the locations. Ask to see portfolios, samples of pervious work/events. Talk to people who have worked with any of the vendors you're considering. (Once again, IndieBride and The Knot are good resources, as is the Better Business Bureau - we've all heard plenty of horror stories of brides getting scammed!) Don't be afraid to ask tough questions, but be nice too - vendors are used to dealing with difficult brides, so a little smile can go a loooooong way!

Don't be afraid to put the binder down too - go out for lunch with your sweetie, see a movie with some girlfriends, or do some retail therapy - no wedding talk allowed, though! Many brides - myself included - have become so stressed out that they found themselves wishing the whole thing was over. Trust me - you'll miss it!

Mistakes will happen - it's part of life. There will be a few SNAFUs along the way, but don't fixate on them. A wedding is an important day, but it is only one day - after it's over, you have the rest of your life to look forward to! And, best of all, you'll be with the person you love!

The biggest thing to remember is something that a friend of mine said on her wedding day - which was not without its last-minute hickups.

"If at the end of the day I'm married, than the whole thing's been a success."

*aka, heart attacks

(For all you married women - anything I missed?)

So apparently the process of getting Chris a social security card is a really easy one - we just have to show up at the social security office and show his passport with the I-94. And it's totally free!! We were both so very happy to learn this - finally something relatively easy in this whole crazy and convoluted process!!

Of course, I'm now beginning to wonder if we shouldn't just kill two birds with one stone and go ahead and change my name too...

After all, even though all these adjustment of status forms are much easier since the filer (Chris) isn't the one who will have to be changing their name, but I still worry that if I put my maiden name on them (I am still his sponsor, after all), there just might be some uppity USCIS agent who thinks this means our marriage is all crap because I didn't properly change my name like every married woman should (catch the sarcasm here?)

I'm sure it's not too likely, but you never know.

So I'm starting to try to figure out what I ought to change my name to...

I very much want to switch the spelling of my first name (it's legally "Monica," but I've been spelling it "Monika" since the third grade.) Hopefully I won't get too much crap for this - it's only one letter, after all.

Then there's the last name question, which is more complicated.

Since college I've been using my mom's maiden name (DeLeeuw) hyphenated with my last name (Taylor) as my artist name. Granted, I've not had a lot of publicity as an artist, but I've also been using that name to write for Microfilmmaker Magazine, so I had originally intended to legally change it after getting out of college. Also, I've used those initials (MDLT) in my logo, and have signed many paintings and drawings that way, so I'd hate to lose it. Fortunately, Chris' last name (Tanchyk) has the same initial, so I had thought of hypenating it to Monika Anne DeLeeuw-Tanchyk. But I also hate to drop Taylor entirely, and I have no particular love of my middle name so I might go with Monika Taylor DeLeeuw-Tanchyk.

I'm definitely not traditonal enough to go with Monika Anne Tanchyk...

And I think  Monika Anne Taylor-Tanchyk, Monika Anne Taylor Tanchyk, or even Monika Taylor Tanchyk sound a little wierd...Although it probably just sounds weird to me because I've been Monika Anne Taylor my entire life

So....here's my list so far:

• Monika Anne Tanchyk
• Monika Anne Taylor-Tanchyk
• Monika Anne Taylor Tanchyk
• Monika Anne DeLeeuw-Tanchyk
• Monika Taylor Tanchyk
• Monika Taylor DeLeeuw-Tanchyk

Chris and I will probably try to go to the social security office early next week, and if I can make up my mind about this whole name change thing I'll probably go ahead and do it then. Of course that will mean getting a new driver's license (and I really really like the picture on my current license), not to mention new credit cards, passport, bank information, and all the name change hassles at work. Blah.

It really seems to be more trouble than its worth...Ugh...

If it wasn't for all this adjustment of status paperwork, I wouldn't be worrying about all this near so much...

It's all over.

I've officially been a married woman for almost a week now.

It's a huge relief to not have all manner of stress hanging over my head, and while I'm a little disappointed that it's all over, I'm so very happy to finally be with Chris

Still a bit overloaded with everything that's happened in the past week, and since I'm currently starting to wade through the next stage in the immigration process (adjustment of status. ugh.) it might be a while before I can post all the details of the wedding and "honeymoon," not to mention better explinations of my DIY projects.

I've got a the pictures from our photographer already; just need the time to sit down and upload them all. I've got a Kodak account all set up so everyone can look at pictures in one spot, and even upload their own.

Jeremy also set up a really spiffy Flash slideshow of all our pictures - he and Kari did a great job taking them, and were both so amazingly great to help out as much as they did!!

Anyway, here are a couple pictures to start things off: